Leaving is not Leaving – The Stages and Symptoms of Grief

I lay here desperately needing to fall asleep and yet I find myself exploring all these unfinished projects and attempting to not think about Minxi. She was my mama cat of 14 years. She would have been 15 in July but she didn’t make it that far. Collapsed lungs and lung disease will do it to ya. So sad I had no idea. She was only sick once and it was because of food, or so we thought.

So, why do I lay here thinking of this title? Hmm. 🤔 Like Elvis, she has left the building. Only she is due to return tomorrow in her beautiful wooden urn to match Punkin’s. So, why do I need to write and what is the take away?! Grief. Grieving. The process of letting go?

The Beat Goes On…. The Post that is.

I started this post on March 19th after losing her on the 13th. I find myself not knowing where I was going but needing to vent how I felt. My emotions were everywhere and yet I know that this was a part of the grieving process. The first few days were significantly difficult and I didn’t know how to feel. Although, it has not been long since, I feel at ease with her passing. We never get over the loss of a loved one but we come to terms with it. Sometimes much faster than others. Just writing that makes me feel guilty for portraying that I am over her passing because I am not. I simply choose to not connect to the emotion while I am writing. This is not just a blog but an educational opportunity. I won’t even include the process of losing her, the unethical manner in which the first vet contacted me after I wrote a review (not even bad but indicating they did not follow me wishes to xray her….however, by sending her home I was able to spend time with her before she went) only to resurface the experience and pain…. Simply put, they weren’t worried about what happened to Minxi. They were worried about their 5 star review. The vet called me stating that it matters what happened because “you go around blaming everyone else.” In fact, I had not blamed anyone and I already felt guilty for not knowing she was sick sooner but lung disease is fickle. Symptoms may not present the same and animals can live with it for years without showing signs. Still, I beat myself up only to finally feel there was nothing more I could have done because I loved her so much, had regular check ups (never blood or xrays), and yet….it was my fault again. How could people be so heartless? Well, they are. Ha. I said I wouldn’t include it but it is still fresh. It’s only the 3rd of April and although she is home now and I don’t die inside every day with her loss, it still hurts that people are that hateful especially when someone is in mourning. I had even thanked them in the review. Had we caught it the day earlier, I may not have had another day with her. I’m sure she had to be in pain because she couldn’t breath and her heart rate was so high but she didn’t seem like she was in pain. For my own selfish reasons, I am glad I got that time with her by my side. I miss her dearly and now I’m crying again. Grief. Such a fickle thing. Life. Such a fragile thing.

The Five Stages and Symptoms of Grief

1. Emotional Shock:

• Disbelief

• Doubt

• Confusion

• Disorientation

• Helplessness

• Incapacitation

• Panic

• Fear Restlessness

• Agitation

• Detachment

• Anger

• Rage

2. Emotional Disorganization:

• Rumination

• Worry

• Conflicts

• Separation anxiety

• Anger

• Bitterness

• Guilt

• Self-pity

• Prolonged stress

• Over-sensitivity

3. Denial:

• Jealousy

• Anger

• Aggression

• Shame

• Hyperactivity

• Bargaining

4. Exhaustion and Renewal:

• Fatigue

• Tiredness

• Lack of energy

• Exhaustion

• Sadness

• Depression

• Hopelessness

• Suicidal thoughts

• Hibernation

• Physical withdrawal

5. Emotional Healing:

• Acceptance

• Resume control over routine behaviors

• Abandon old roles

• Search for meaning in loss

• Reorganize priorities

• Emotionally let go of loss

• Forgive and forget

• Self-assessment

• Develop new self-awareness

• Focus on true needs

• Help others

I find it important to realize that grief can come in the same package for many different things. Loss of self, loved ones, friends, family, job, money, drugs, home, belongings, sanity, use of a body part, respect, courage, and just about anything. Most things are no big deal but the more connected we are to the thing or person we lost the more intense the grief and lengths we may go to in order to cope with the loss. Grief may last a lifetime and for some they may accept the loss much sooner than others. It is important to realize that many may be stuck in one stage, never moving forward, unable to allow themselves to accept as it may make them feel guilty.

I can describe and explain grief all day since I tend to be long winded but for the purposes of this post I will keep it simple. Just know that if you or someone you know are dealing with grief and would like help coping, don’t be afraid to reach out. I have sessions available. We can process and work through or I can simply listen. Grief is a natural human emotion. Know that you are not alone and it gets better.

• In loving memory of Minxi 7.17.2004 – 3.13.2019

• Forever loved and missed!

• Photos include those lost from her only liter, Onyx and Sequel (Shadow is still with me), and Punkin (not from her liter but also greatly missed.

#lossofalovedone #death #youwillbeforevermissed #gonebutneverforgotten #grief #mamacatlove #loss #dealingwithdeath #cat #tabbycat