Anxiety — What is it? Is it Real, All in Your Head, or An Excuse?!

1.11.19

If anyone struggles with anxiety you know that it can truly be difficult to feel alive again. It can be challenging to weather the storm, get up when you fall, dust your ass off, and carry on but the resilient do. We take the good with the bad, we identify emotions, practice the best self care we can, find positive in whatever we can, to build on finding more with every downfall, in order to fully heal once more.

Sounds simple but it’s not easy. There is more anxious people in the world today than ever. At least, more reported than ever. Thousands and thousands of people struggling with anxiety and nearly double that amount not realizing it is anxiety that troubles them. Coming from someone who thought they understood what that meant, let me tell you it most definitely isn’t what we think. What I used to chalk up to insecurity and feeling overwhelmed was really anxiety. I simply learned how to cope effectively with structure and limitations early on in my life but PTSD is a whole other monster that shouldn’t be taken lightly.

If any of you have PTSD or have survived trauma you know what this is like. Normal anxiety is bad enough if not dealt with but the level of anxiety that takes over your life as if it’s another entity is a completely different story. To feel okay mentally but your body is in fight or flight mode is much like living your life as a spectator rather than in control. You know what to do and what needs to be done but somehow you can’t seem to reach the finish line. Some say it’s laziness or fear and I would agree that fear plays a huge role in the development and growth of anxious feelings. There is definitely more attention needed on the subject because for a person like myself who knows that I can get overwhelmed and do best with more structure…. it’s “crazy-talk” when you can’t finish packing for a trip and even more when you can’t decide what’s needed for a few hours from the house. The self hate and negative self talk grows. “Like, wtf is wrong with you?! Get it together!” Only this wonderful pep talk doesn’t help. It only leads to a giant melt down and feeling of complete incapability for oneself. “Who have I become?! What the fuck is wrong with me? This is the dumbest shit ever!”

Sadly, this is the real world and it happens more often than not for so many people. Many are able to identify it while others know no difference because it’s all they’ve known. It’s not fun to lose the ability to complete tasks. To gather your things for a trip only to move them around like puzzle pieces unable to find the right place or feel you have all you need…when you know you can easily purchase anything you forget… crazy talk. To cry over the incapability to complete this task when you know the issue and should just pack everything and be done…. but you can’t. Wow. It’s an experience unlike any other and more difficult to understand unless you’ve lived it.

I was that person on the receiving end thinking… just do it. Stop making excuses and worrying or whatever else and just do it. But it’s about so much more than that. You do have to “just do it” but there’s more work to be done before it becomes a natural and easy task again that doesn’t require all the drama of completing a simple task. “Just do it” comes in with the building of confidence and trust in the self once more.

Complex trauma causes your body and mind to disagree. This can also be referred to as dissociation. Your body is still in the present but your mind may not be, unaware of the true emotions and experiences as it protects you from further trauma by disconnecting from the present moment. It can feel like having an out of body experience only you’re currently living it. It can also feel as if the current experiences are not happening today and yesterday was a lifetime ago. Oddly enough, many people can mistake this as depression and it may be so but like most things, there are multiple layers and not one solution. It can differ per person, situation, and a multitude of things. I’ve spoken in the past about the concept of a paper cut. Let’s say that it’s possible to have the same exact paper cut as someone else. You could be extremely upset and the other person is not bothered by it. However, if you had the same paper cut five or ten years ago, you may have had a very different experience than you have today. Our current lives and all that surrounds them dictates our perception. Our experiences can make or break the outcomes of problems and have an effect on our coping skills. If I had a nickle for every time someone told me that I would understand when I got older or “you don’t see it now but you just wait.” I’ve reached that age that I’m the one saying it to others. If I only knew then what I know now. Hmph, thing is, I did know because I was told but who listens anyway… its the experience that teaches us so much more… if and only if…. we allow it. Even then, we can still be learning from those experiences twenty or thirty years later. I don’t think it’s a bad thing either. Just like the paper cut scenario, we learn different lessons at different points of our lives. Perhaps it is just the way life is. Or perhaps its our willingness to reevaluate, learn, and grow that allows us to continue to learn from pat experiences. Many do not reevaluate nor do they learn from the first mistake or experiences (mistake or not…we learn). It is our willingness to change our perception that allows for further growth if we allow it.

Which leads me back to listening to our bodies. Why do we avoid and ignore them so much? It’s easy to see when we need to pay attention but difficult for people to see that avoiding only makes things worse. When it comes to anxiety of this magnitude you have no reason but to pay attention. Many shut down and crawl into a hole while others deal with their anxiety by bucking up, getting angry, and controlling. That is the basis of fight or flight just in case you failed to notice. So, are significantly angry people just anxious? Interesting question… I have a wonderful answer to it and I’ll have to share another time. The simple answer is yes but for now…back to this post.

The sympathetic nervous system that triggers fight or flight, releasing adrenaline and more, takes over as a fail safe or a backup generator for the body so you can get to safety before real trouble sets in if you’ve been injured. This is how people function immediately after the incident occurred when they really shouldn’t. Much like Mario getting the star ⭐️ for a short amount of time, the body gets a boost and is drained when it runs out. It’s often why people can be physically tired or drained when under high amounts of stress. The body triggers the fight or flight mechanism. For those with PTSD, you’ll understand the miscommunication between body and mind so I encourage you to listen up…reconnecting the two is possible with time — see below.

The answer is to grasp into anything positive, work through the emotions, identify the feeling, and utilize positive, soothing, validating, and acknowledging self talk. No matter how crazy. No matter the fear. No matter the feeling. Acknowledge the inner fight or flight that is triggered because a feeling no matter how you feel about it is still a real feeling and not acknowledging it only allows it to keep its strength and power over you. See it. Feel it. Assure yourself that you are safe and will be there for yourself because it’ll be okay. Then, move past it. Don’t beat yourself up because it doesn’t help anything. For those with anxiety that is truly uncontrollable, we have to reprogram our responses to our responses. Sounds silly but it’s true. Ever felt a way and told yourself it’s stupid to feel that way?! Yep. Me too. So, I encourage you to acknowledge and validate the feelings. They are real whether stupid or not and there’s something of value in those thoughts/feelings that are deeper than you think so… See them. Learn from them. Feel them. Then move on. You can’t move past things unless you learn what is necessary from it. Anxiety is a sign of emergency and protection. The worse the anxiety is… the more you need to pay attention, listen to your body, evaluate with your mind, and be kind and compassionate with your heart. You have but one body, mind, heart, and soul. Don’t waste time ignoring your bodies natural indication to pay attention. Don’t waste time denying your feelings and emotions when they obviously exist. You too can overcome. You are resilient but resiliency is made and I’d like to say that it is earned too because it is those who get back up and continue on, never giving up that you can overcome. You can improve with significant growth if you allow it. Sometimes the best answer isn’t the most simple or the easiest way from A to B. Actually, most times it isn’t. The obvious answer is not the best solution here. So, just do it is not the case for many. Go through the process and I promise you’ll be the better for it.

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