So, I Wait…

Here I am, the first post of my blog and I am sitting here waiting on some men to complete instillation of AT&T wire into my apartment. As I sit here, my eldest cat, Mini keeps me company. She is very feisty today. As I sit here, she continues to meow at me. Given, she is 15 years old, you would never know that she has been in this world that long. So, as I wait, I felt the need to write but what I should write, I have no idea. I just felt the urge. I have continued to write on my other blog even after I had this one started. Funny thing is, I say started but really I simply opened an account, no more, no less. The fear of what to write and the manner of which I was to write here was so abundant that I received my one year anniversary email from WordPress. One year, ha. I got congratulated for doing nothing. Isn’t that about right for the world we live in today?! To be rewarded when the reward was not deserved. There it is, our topic of discussion for today.

Rewards. So, what are they? Well, let’s see what Google says. According to Google, a reward is a thing given in recognition of one’s service, effort, or achievement. Also, stated as a verb meaning to make a gift of something to (someone) in recognition of their services, efforts, or achievements.

So, what did I achieve? Nothing, in my eyes but some could say that I should be recognized for taking the step forward in beginning this journey. After all, I started this blog with the outline of what seems to be about a journey. I know I picked it but I don’t recall the details right off the top of my head. What I will say is that I do celebrate the little things that matter the most. Seemingly small tasks or achievements for some are large tasks or achievements for others. Here’s where it gets confusing for most, what constitutes an achievement? What achievements deserve a reward? What is the reward system and how does one indicate the level of reward? Can’t the reward simply be the feeling of pride that comes from achievement? I’ll let you let that sit in for a moment.

So, what did I achieve? Did I achieve anything for recognition? Well, I would say that every task deserves some for of recognition, after all, we all want to be acknowledged or recognized but again….we have the same million dollar question….what constitutes the recognition, reward, and/or achievement? Well, not million dollars but for the purpose of this blog, we will just go with it. So, who determines these factors? In this case, Word Press determined that I should be recognized for my achievement because that is just good customer service. I mean, we now live in a world where anything and everything is recognized. I believe it is an easy ploy to keep people aware of the products and services. After all, we are all consumers, aren’t we. We are consumed by stuff but I’ll save that for another day. I will say that though an abundance of emails is annoying, to say the least, some are good reminders. For instance, this one I may have continued to put off without realizing that I started this venture a year ago and never got the chance or made the chance to start it.

So, was the recognition deserved? Not to me but it served as a great reminder. However, it is all about perception and at the time, it was a big decision (not really) that I wanted to make and start for my business. So, I did. Therefore, one could say that the recognition is well deserved even if I did not truly do anything but set up an account. The heart, happiness, and optimism that I had when I did it is what I remember. The decision to start anew. After all, my old blog served as a journal and a place where I tracked my fitness progress. This one, is slightly different but similar in heart. I have definitely grown since the beginning of my first blog and honestly, I can’t remember when I started that.

Again, I return to the question of who constitutes the reward system? I hate to have to be the one to acknowledge the elephant in the room (such beautiful creatures) but someone’s got to do it. Why reward children with participation trophies? You did it, you got off your lazy, video game playing, tv watching, and too many soda drinking butt. (Was that too harsh?) Yep, that’s most kids these days. I won’t get into my feelings on that either. You get my point, though. It’s just my opinion but I do not believe participation trophies are to be handed out. This keeps us from learning the value of an achievement and pride that comes from the reward. Why are we recognizing participation? To keep people from feeling like failures? That’s life, though. We fail, we fall, we trip and stumble but it’s about how we learn from that experience and how we get back up that brings value to the process. Without that, there is no value in a reward or achievement. Yes, we all want to be recognized and treated equally but if you think about it, if we were all treated like kings and queens, who would be the ones taking care of us, pampering us, and what would we have to look forward to? I don’t think society has thought this through. It’s not a bad thing for recognizing the people whom do not succeed, win, or metal (whatever you choose to call it). Hell, I remember that at the end of every softball game I had growing up, we would shake or touch hands with everyone on the other team and say “good game.” THAT was our recognition. Good game…you tried…you put a good effort in but for half of those people, they lost. What did it teach us for the future? So many things! We knew how their players played, their strengths, weaknesses, and what to expect for the next game so we could be more prepared and pumped for the next game. Losing sucks and that feeling is never good but we had to learn how to be “good losers” and not “sore losers.” For those of you sitting there with a quizzical face, the definition is one who complains or blames others for their loss, easily angered by losing a game, contest, or because of some other misfortune or bad luck. The same goes for a sore winner. Yep, there’s such a thing. We all know that person who gloats over a victory. They are complete a-holes.

This brings us back to the original million dollar question. Who constitutes or designates a reward? Honestly, I believe we had it right before and though it sucks losing, it taught us lessons and created strong value in our efforts. Losing tells us what we need to work on, what areas need more focus and practice, and where our weaknesses are. Yep, this is the usual focus. What connotation did you use in your mind when you read that? Was it negative, as in feelings of defeat, not being good enough, being such a failure, or anything else you can muster up that is negative? Or did you view that with a positive connotation? That now that you know those weaknesses, areas to focus on and work on, you can zero in on the problems to create positive change? Many people look at this as a good thing. Without that knowledge or the experience of losing, we may never know what needs improvement. We may live in denial or simply just not see those flaws. After all, we all have flaws. We are flawed beings. We are not perfect. That does not exist. However, it does not mean that we can not work towards being the best version of ourselves that we can be. I’ll come back to that in a minute.

So, how else would one look at the loss? What did it teach us for the future? Once more — so many things! We learned what areas we absolutely rock at (my version of being awesome). We learned what techniques, plays, or processes worked best against that team and if we have used this before in another game and succeeded, we learned that it works for more than one team. We learned that we won’t die if we lose, it just sucks a lot. We learn that the experience was fun even if the result was not a success. There are so many positive things we can learn from every experience but we lose that when we reward everyone with a trophy. The reward is the hand shake, good game. The reward is the feeling of success when you catch a fly ball and get the last out for the inning. The reward is the feeling of achievement when you slide in and steal 2nd base. The reward is a feeling. It’s the euphoria that rushes over you at those times, often called or referred to as adrenaline. Go ahead, soak in the remembrance. Close your eyes, take yourself back to a time when your worries were not on anything else but the game or contest. Go back to times when your responsibilities did not include bills, work, kids, or dinner. You problems were much more simple than they may be today but they felt just as important. Breath that feeling in deeply…… Smile…… Now exhale slowly……

What did you think of? What did you feel? Were you happy, tearful, sad, overjoyed? For me, I was both overjoyed to remember those achievements and tearful from that joy. It all seems…. almost indescribable. I’m overjoyed when I remember that feeling but sad that I chose to use an analogy that also brings me so much pain. I was overweight when I played softball and I was not very good at running. I was an awesome catcher and 3rd baseman, though. However, it was not my passion but I remember being the only one who could catch for Brandi Jones. She was my best friend back then, before the drama of high school came and split us apart. I don’t even recall what caused the space to grow but I remember the feeling of being left behind and forgotten. Wow, the effect that memories have on us. So profound how they can take us back. The reason that softball brings so much joy to me is my sister, older by mostly 3 years. She was amazing to watch. She had the passion and fire. You would want to sit and watch her play. I never missed a game, unless I had to. She was the one who would not care the physical outcome of diving for the ball or sliding into a base head first. She had no fear! I remember how much I looked up to her, respected her drive, her devotion, her passion, and her skill. I was proud to call her my sister. Of course, I was just the little sister but I was her biggest fan. I always wondered if she knew that. I was in awe of her but I felt some kind of achievement for being related to her.

Funny how that works. I’m not the one who achieved what she did but her passion and love of the sport made me want to play. I was never as good as her and I did not keep playing but I had respect for those who did. My lack of…. ability… of….. what’s the word for it? Oh, yes, skill. My lack of skill, coordination, or whatever it was that I lacked. Hmmm, my words have left me. my mind says that there is a different phrase for indicating that my words have left me but even that has left the building. It’s irritating but I laugh because it’s those things that bother me but really my mind is not focused on words. Instead, I’m still focused on the feeling the memory has given me. To think, I have the feeling of pride. The euphoria of achievement. Pride for my sister and pride in knowing her. Pride in being related and being her little sister. She was not always a fan of me. In fact, we fought all the time but I always looked up to her. I wanted her as my best friend. I remember taking the team water, sunflower seeds, gum, and whatever else they asked for. I remember going to the practices and helping and/or watching. Even throwing the waffle balls during practice. One time, a girl known to swing all the way around did not wait for me to finish picking up the balls when I told her to wait and she hit me in the mouth. I don’t have a gap between my two from teeth anymore or that thing that holds your lip to your gums. I had to get stitches but oddly enough, I took pride in being the helper. That was my battle wound. I digress.

So, why reward participation with a trophy. A “good job” should suffice. I think the real rewards come from within ourselves. We love the recognition. We all want validation. We need some form of a “good job” or pat on the back. We don’t all get that as children and I think the world often forgets to recognize the little things with even a simple “thank you.” I will save that for another time. When we forget to show respect and appreciation for anything, no matter how big or small, we can tend to leave others feeling unappreciated, unloved, undeserving, overlooked, insignificant, or any other word of the same nature. When we have children begging for recognition whom grow into adult children needing and longing for it, we get participation trophies. We forget the value in our word. We miss the positive in the losses. The lessons learned from the experience. A time when our word meant something and we showed respect for each other. Yes, there were sore winners and sore losers but through all those experiences, we learned whether we would like to believe it or not. The trophy was the ultimate reward but we always knew that even then, there were teams greater than us. I watched my sister go on to the nationals and for some reason my mind is saying World Series but I don’t think that’s completely correct (now I want to find the old photo books). Texas Tornadoes, we were. Oh what a time. I’ll never forget it. We didn’t win at the Nationals or whatever it was in the end but we were state champs. See me, saying we. I was a Tornado.

Okay, what’s the take away here?! Did I deserve recognition for my blog that I signed up for and never made a post on or even decorated? The answer is in personal perception. Did I need the recognition? Nah but I know it was a small turning point for me….there were major decisions made towards my future. I didn’t take many steps after but I began the process. No, there was no reward at the time but I look at it now and it means something. A step towards success but what is success and how is it measured. Again, I think its perception that matters. Better yet, its subjective. I choose to take it as a “good game” and small achievement in my journey. I’ll put a gold star on my metaphorical board… just smile over the feeling of hope, beginning of the journey, one step on the path I’m going… this is just one blog… this is just one post …this is just one story ….I hope I have made you think. I hope I have made you remember, to feel, to find joy, and to open your mind. It’s not necessary for the world to see your achievements, it sure does help though. However, it is necessary for YOU to see the reward in all things. Yes, all things. Perception is valid. You’ll see the negative as a negative if you want to. You will also see the positive with a negative if you want to. I choose to see that all negatives have positive within them and though we may lose or fail, there is a lesson in all experiences. Growth that can take place. No trophy is needed. We need something to look forward to. Something to strive for but realize that perfection is not possible and even if you are the best in the world, that does not mean that it will last forever. So, cherish those moments, take pride in the feeling and even the experience, that achievement is something to be proud of and even loss can be something to be proud of. How? Even if you lost, you put the effort in. You went for it and you did it even if it was not a success. There’s power in the attempt. Those who do not do will never experience those lessons. There is strength in doing and even more in taking the loss. For all loss is also something gained.

My hope is that you are kind to yourself, accountable for your own actions, see the beauty in it all and teach your children the same. The world should be experienced and all things are not to be rewarded a trophy. The reward is within and subjective. Help others to see that an to continue to strive forward in growth, kindness, love, and sheer determination. Don’t be scared to dive for the ball and slide into 2nd base. Bumps and bruises won’t kill you, they only make you stronger.

With love,

Jennifer R. Piper, MS, LCDC